Scully - Cloning In The Kitchen
by Alien925
Summary: Dana Scully - medical genius


Title: Scully - Cloning In The Kitchen  
Catorgory: Humor  
Author: Alien925  
Disclamer: I don't own the X-files. They belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Thats about all.  
Classification - H  
Summary: Dana Scully- A medical genius. [ This is just stupid] NB- I am aware that what I have written in this fic is not the real method of cloning. =) It is pure fantasy. Oh and CHRIS CARTER DOES *ROCK* just in case people think I don't like him from what I've written in this fic.. Its not *my* fault Scully developed a mind of her own now is it?! =) Oh, and I don't think Scully stalk Mulder in real life. [ Yeah.. I'm a delusional girl.]  
Spoilers: None, I think..  
  
SCULLY - CLONING IN THE KITCHEN  
  
Scully pulled the drapes back slightly and watched as her partner got into his car, which was parked outside her apartment. She watched as the car drove round the corner, narrowly missing a tree on the verge. Idily she wondered if she should have given him all that wine. When she was sure he was finally gone, she closed the curtains and moved to lock the door. She went into her bedroom.  
Glancing around the room, she wondered if Frohike had hidden any more micro cameras in the picture frames. Just to be sure, she turned all the pictures in her bedoom so they were facing the wrong way. Finally she was ready to begin.  
Begin what? I hear you ask. Well, Dana Katherine Scully or the FBI has an obsession, a very bad obsession.  
  
XxX  
  
She opened the wardrobe door and rooted through various boxes containing lingerie until she found the thing she was looking for. She pulled out a bulging brown folder, smiliar to those the X-files were kept in. Putting the folder down on the bed, she placed red candles in a circle on the bedroom floor and lit them. Dressing in a red silk nightgown which barely covered her ass, Scully sat in the middle of the circle, taking the brown folder with her. Once settled, she opened the folder and tipped the contents out onto the floor.  
Pictures, hundreds of them fell to the floor. All the picures showed the same person. Fox William Mulder, also of the FBI. In some snapshots he was smiling at the camera, but in some, part of a closet door could be seen, half a window frame, half a tinted car window, a bit of a menu and some of a waitressss body at the pizza place. Some showed Mulder doing ordinary tasks, some however, showed him doing other tasks, accompained by some videos which were not his.  
Dana Scully stroked some of the pictures nearest to her grinning like cheshire cat. The candles bathed the circle in light as she preformed her ritual of 'worshipping' Fox Mulder.  
  
XxX  
  
She walked down the corridor towards the basement office, dressed in her conservative pant suit and heels. Pushing open the basement door she saw her partner sitting down at his desk, chewing sunflower seeds and throwing pencils at the ceiling. As she watched he threw one up, trying to make it stick.   
Instead it obayed gravity and came hurtling back down to the ground, poking him in the eye. Mulder gave a girly scream and lept up, his hand over his eye.   
It was only then he saw Scully, standing in the doorway smirking. She came over to him, prised his hand away from his eyes and peered in to it. Mulder half expected her to pull out one of those flashy things his optician used.  
"Next time Mulder, " Scully said, " try blunting the ends of the pencils before you throw them at the ceiling."  
"That'd be pointless," he replied, " They wouldn't stick."  
"They wouldn't stick but they'd limit the amount of pencil marks on the ceiling." Scully said, looking up.  
Mulder shrugged and sat down at his desk, pulled out a file and started to write.  
Scully sat in her chair and picked up a book which was lying on her desk.  
Not reading the book, but sneaking peaks over the top of it, she watched her partner. She knew today was going to be bad for her right from the start. This was mainly due to the fact that today he was wearing the dark blue suit, his hair was just the way she liked it, he smelled better than normal days [ when he was covered in bile, alien goo or dirt] and the fact that she was in love with him, but couldn't tell him because the writer that was contolling her every move with Mulder sat somewhere in Vancouver dismissing every notion that they should be in love, have sex.. etc etc..   
So she sat there, watching him over the top of her book, until the uneventful day drew to a close.  
"Bye Scully. I'll see you Monday I guess." Mulder stood up and grabbed his jacket. Sculy nodded dumbly and watched him leave the office, her eyes glued to his behind.  
After he had gone she sighed, put the book to one side and started gather up all the expense reports she should have done today. Taking her jacket from the back of her chair, her eyes fell onto the book she had been reading. It was a medical book she had bought not so long ago. She had opened it on the page entitled.  
"The possibilities of human cloning." she read some of the page..  
  
"Many scientists now believe that human cloning will become possible in the near future.. yadda yadda yadda.."  
  
her eyes trailed down the text. She couldn't be bothered to read it now.  
She walked towards the door of the office. About to turn the handle, something in her mind clicked and she walked back to her desk and started to read the page again.  
  
XxX  
  
It was gone eleven when Scully walked into her apartment that night, the book on cloning tucked under her arm.. She had been to all the lab facilities she could find to try and help her in her search to find the latest cloning equipment. She had given up when security had dragged her from the lab after she had threatened the scientists with her gun, badge and bad temper.  
She had decided to do it her way. She was determind that the ' Dana Scully' method of cloning was going to work... or else she'd just have to relieve all her tension by shooting a few people. She though maybe shed start with Skinner and then move up to Kersh...  
  
That night, Scully stayed up all night. No, not to worship Mulder, but to clean her kitchen. She disinfected every surface, cleaned out the fridge and even got rid of the unidentifiable stuff behing the cooker. An hour before she had to go to work the next morning she had finally finished the cleaning. She was not tierd though, because today.. Dana Scully was going to go down in medical history as the first person to clone Fox Mulder.  
  
XxX  
  
Mulder stood outside Scully's door wondering why his partner had seemed so eager to invite him over for dinner. He didn't mind though, he was hungry and wasn't going to eat the pizza in his apartment which had been there for well over three months. He sniffed the air. He didn't smell any cooking, but then again, his sinuses never were to be trusted. They'd smelt most of the stuff in his fridge. He knocked on the door. It was flung open immdiately by Scully. She was wearing white scrubs and her face was covered with a mask.   
"Scully?" she just started at him and motioned for him to come in. Mulder walked in and started to go towards the kitchen...  
"No!!" Scully pulled back her mask and grabbed his arm. " Don't go in there." she said. " I spent the whole of last night cleaning it."  
Mulder started at her.  
"Have you ever hear of obsessive compulsive disorders Scully?" he asked.  
She smiled and pulled out a package from the pocket of her scrubs.  
" I have to admit Mulder, " she said opening the packet, " I didn't invite you over for dinner."  
"Oh?"  
"No, I invited you here so I could get a sample of your saliva." she said, taking a cotten swab from the packet.  
"Huh?"  
"But, I'll give you money to go to KFC afterwards."  
"Ok. Are you comming?"   
"No, I have to clone you, so I might be busy for a couple of months. But anytime after that's fine." she said looking up at him, a cotton swab in her hand..  
"Sure." Mulder sounded pleased. " I'll phone you." he looked at the cotton swab. " D'you want that Saliva sample now then?"  
"Please." Mulder kneeled down and Scully reached into his mouth, taking a sample of his saliva and putting it in a petri dish for safekeeping.  
"Thanks," she said and gave him a wad of notes, " here, go have dinner now."  
" Ok, see you at work tommorrow." Mulder walked out of the door, trying to decide where he should eat.  
  
XxX  
  
After Mulder had gone, Scully put her mask on again and walked into her kitchen carrying the petri dish. Placing it on the table, she walked over to the microwave and put it on medium heat and pressed started. The empty microwave started to heat up.  
She sat down and lifted the lid off the petri dish. Taking her super special microscope that her Mom had given her for Christmas, she looked at the cell. It was moving about the petri dish quite happily and seemed to be having fun boucing off the circular wall.  
Scully smiled and started to talk to the cell, figuring that if it got to know the sound of her voice now, she would have a better relationship with it when it was a fully grown Mulder.  
Behind her the microwave bleeped and she turned round suddenly, suprised. Her microwave never used to bleep, not since Mulder had let three bags of popcorn explode in it.  
She opened the door and put her hand inside. The temperature felt just right.  
She picked up the petri dish containing Mulder's saliva cell and placed it carefully in the middle of the microwave, she set it on low power and pressed start.  
For three hours that night Dana Scully sat next to the microwave, her nose glued to the door, watching the cell spin round and round and round... She only stopped once after two hours to put a rasin in the perti dish so the cell might have some food and lastly she stopped gazing into the microwave after three hours because her nose was getting burnt.  
  
XxX  
  
The next couple of days at the office were hard for Scully. She had developed an attachment to the cell and didn't really like to leave it in her microwave all day long without anyone to watch over it. After all, what if it needed something.. how would it contact her at work?  
The next few months on Scully's calender seemed to fly by. The cell had made tremendous progress and had started to form an embryo. She would need to remove it from the microwave soon.  
  
XxX  
  
On the 13th of October Scully because the task of moving the 'Mulder' embryo from her nice warm microwave into her equally warm airing cupboard.  
After assuring her neighbours that the strange smell comming from her apartment was not a toxic leak but the smell of a clone reacting with air after two months in a microwave, Scully just sat back and watched the magical process of cloning come to an end.  
  
XxX  
  
Later that year the clone was finally ready. It stood six feet from the ground, had hazel eyes, brown hair etc etc.. [ Come on, its a clone of Mulder, what'd'you think it looked like?!].   
By this time Chris Carter had written Mulder's abduction, so Scully was just left pregnant and with her Mulder clone. This was just fine with her.  
Chris Carter wrote in a new agent. She ignored this new agent and Chris Carter's scripts and went off to live in the south of France with Mulder and baby William. They lived like that until Krycek blew up the world with an atomic bomb two weeks later.  
  
XxX  
  
END  
  
Please r&r, thanks. =)=) 


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